Springtime, the season of beautiful blossoms that
grace our garden pathways with their cheerful colors that bid
farewell to winter and provide the promise of sunny summer days to come. But of the flowers and plants that blossom in
spring, not all give a dramatic display while in bloom.
For instance, the American Bittersweet, Celustus scandens, is a native
semi-shrubby vine that blooms May through June, yet most people probably past
by this plant without even noticing its tiny 1/4” greenish white or greenish
yellow blossoms. They certainly don’t
stand out amongst the vibrant purples and pinks of tulips and hyacinths. Nor are the petals light enough to provide a
glowing contrast against the foliage like the yellows and whites of daffodils
and dogwoods. The bittersweet is an inconspicuous
participant in the spring parade of color.
That is often how life goes. Some events are vivid and spectacular emblazing
themselves on our memories while others are quickly forgotten or happen without
much notice or recognition. Sometimes we
chose to focus on the good times and try to forget the bad times. Sometimes, it is just time itself that erases
the sufferings of the past. Oh sure,
there’s often a scar left behind to remind us that the event really did take
place, but the intensity of those events
fades with time and falls from our memories like the petals of those springtime
flowers.
This is often how the hike and adventure on the
Appalachian Trail is portrayed to the family and friends of hikers; they see the
beauty, the pageantry, the parade of endless pictures of trail life showing the
grand vistas and smiling faces all displaying the wonder, excitement, freedom
and good times of life out on the trail. Oh, there might be an occasional snapshot of
the blisters, lost toenails, or cuts and scrapes, but even these are shown with
a bit of pride in receiving this badge of honor, this symbol of your rite of
passage as a thru hiker. What goes
unnoticed and lies inconspicuously in the background are the forgotten moments
of loneliness that occur because of the separation from loved ones.
Next week I depart to resume hiking in Harpers
Ferry, West Virginia (that’s West, by God, Virginia for you locals) after
spending the last six weeks recuperating from my health issues. While I am happy to be getting back out on
the trail and continuing on my quest, I’m also saddened about once again
leaving my husband. Somehow, it’s much
harder this time and I can only think of the bittersweet moment as I board the
train while Juliet’s line runs through my mind – “parting is such sweet sorrow”.
Separation is certainly nothing new to my
marriage. As I sit here writing, I am,
once again, waiting for my husband’s return from another week long business
trip. At least 18 of the last 25 years,
I have been in the position of waiting at home for his return from various
military or government missions and business trips. Many of those years, he would be traveling in
excess of 180 days per year. So, the time
apart is nothing new for us, EXCEPT, this is one of those rare times when I’m
the one that’s gone and he’s the one at home waiting.
Throughout those years, I have known many women who
have asked the question, “How do you do it?” or made the statement, “I couldn’t
do that” and I must agree that it takes a certain kind of individual, namely,
one who is very independent and emotionally strong to be able to routinely
manage these types of marital disconnections.
On the other hand, one acquaintance, actually said to me that the reason
my marriage was so happy, was because we were apart so often. She said that it was like only being married
half the time, so we were in a constant state of bliss because we were always
experiencing the new ‘I’ve just fallen in love’ experience. While I don’t agree with her reasoning, I will
admit that my husband and I make an effort to keep our relationship fresh and
that we do look forward to our times of reunion much like a young couple who
are still in the emotional highs of their new found love.
And it isn’t just the women who have an opinion
about being apart. Recently, my husband
has found a similar sentiment among his male coworkers and friends who have
said that they would never allow their wives to go on such a journey alone and
have implied that our relationship may be in jeopardy or fall prey to
infidelity with such a long separation, but they obviously don’t understand the
bond that we share or the commitment we have to one another. Distance does not destroy us, because we
refuse to let it. Do we miss each other when we’re apart? Of course we do. Does it get hard? Yes, it does.
We’ve both shed our share of tears over the years, but we carry on and
continue to hold each other dear in our hearts.
The loneliness is hardest for me at the end of the
day, because that’s the time of day when he comes home and we talk about our
day and share our experiences. It is the
time of day when we laugh the most together.
So, when I am on the trail, this is the time of day when the loneliness
hits. Besides wishing that he were there to share every wide mountain vista or crystal stream
trickling through the rocks or flitting bird that finally landed long enough
to get a quick picture, when I finish the day and sit down to dinner, I miss
having him there to talk with, to laugh with, as we re-cap and share the events
of the day. When night has arrived and
it’s time to rest, I miss throwing my arm around him as we sleep. Without a doubt, the end of the day is my
lonely time.
But I’m not alone in my loneliness. There are the other hikers, many who have
left behind spouses or partners, children and grandchildren that they adore and
even those who have an especially close relationship with a pet or pets that go
through this suffering of the heart. We
are not unlike the thousands of other truck drivers, rail workers, airline
pilots and crews, military personnel and business travelers worldwide who must
endure extended absences from those they love, with one glaring difference; we
are not doing this as a job requirement, we do it by choice.
So why go back?
Why put our relationship through another separation when we’ve already
endured so much time apart? Because it’s
my turn to blossom. See, although the
job required my husband to be gone and he spent many hours missing the family,
he also got to go places and see and do things that the rest of the family
probably never will. He enjoyed his time
flying and participating in military exercises around the world. He has been to five of the seven continents,
(although Africa was just a brief plane stop) has toured many cities and seen
sights that he could only share with us through photos and souvenirs. He may have been working and putting in long
hours most of the time, but when he had time off, it was filled with a lot of
adventure.
So much so, that at times, we almost despised him
for it, because it seemed like you couldn’t mention a place you’d like to visit
without him saying, “Oh, I’ve been there and you really should see such and such
or go to this or that.” It ended up
becoming a standing joke in the family – he became known as Tour Guide Dad who
would always say “Been there, done that”.
Our youngest daughter even prayed to be sent to a location her father
hadn’t been while waiting her assignment for a mission trip. God heard her and sent her to Thailand.
This is another reason I was able to endure his
time away from us, because I knew he was doing something he loved to do. When you love someone you want the best for
them. You want to encourage them and
support them in their dreams and help them achieve their goals.
While my husband and I have many things in common
and share many goals, we have always found a way to embrace and celebrate our
differences as well, including pursuing activities or dreams in which the other
has little or no interest. So, as I
celebrate and attempt being a thru-hiker, my husband is quite content celebrating
that he’s through hiking -- as in, done, finished, never again! His over hill, over dale, we will hit the
dusty trail days in the army kind of turned him off to any further hiking or
tenting activities. Now, he will take his
turn providing moral support and encouraging the achievement of my dreams.
As
spring marches forward, the American bittersweet is hidden in the background, but
in the fall when the branches are bare the yellow-orange shell of its fruit
splits open to reveal a heart red berry.
This is the season when the bittersweet vine displays its brilliance and the sweetness of the vine comes to fruition. These bare vines with their colorful berries are used in a number of decorations throughout the fall and winter months. The berries also provide food for many birds and fox squirrels. This is also the season when the bitter sweetness I bear now will end
and I will return home to the arms of my lover, my friend, my supporter and
companion. Then together, we will wait for
the next blooming season and all the beauty and excitement it will bring.
“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every
activity under the heavens:”
-- Ecclesiastes 3:1
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